How One Woman Redefined Her Bucket List

Barb was used to taking care of people. In fact, she loved helping her patients at Ascension, where she retired after 45 years as an RN and Registered Respiratory Therapist.

“I wasn’t looking forward to retirement,” she says, “because my work was so rewarding."

As word got out about her retirement plans, the same question popped up in her conversations. “So Barb, what’s on your bucket list? I didn’t have an answer, so I felt that I needed to create one. And it doesn’t seem acceptable to lay back a bit.”

She felt there were all sorts of unspoken expectations. Will she be busy enough? Will she be productive and contribute? Will she do things that others only dream of doing?

Barb did have a few ideas in mind. She wanted to read more books, travel to Israel, and she’d always wanted to learn how to swim.

So as a woman of faith, she prayed about it. Her Bible study raised questions in her mind that stirred her heart…what might it look like to be a living sacrifice and what exactly does one do with a servant’s heart?

In the weeks of pondering those questions, Barb recalled a talk she heard about filing up your life and pouring it back out. In fact, she kept a dry sponge on her desk - a visual reminder that as you soak up the blessings in life, the sponge gets full. And the idea of course, is to squeeze that sponge back out by helping others.

“How can I use my new season of retirement to pour into others?” she wondered.

Shortly before her last working day, a coworker shared her enthusiasm about a healthcare mission trip she experienced. The idea intrigued Barb for reasons she couldn’t explain.

This particular group, Word of Life Missions, offered short term trips that brought both medical help and the gospel to the poor around the world. But as is true with so many situations that are unfamiliar to us, doubts and fears quickly loomed overhead Barb’s head like storm clouds.

“Yes, I had doubts. Particularly, what if I didn’t have the strength to endure a trip like that at my age? And how would I overcome the language barriers? And would I be safe?”

At the time of writing this post, Barb was preparing for her fifth trip (twice to Guatemala and the third time now to the Dominican Republic). As she reflected on those initial fears, she smiled a knowing smile.

“You know, God just took care of all of those things. I went on my first trip still plagued with doubts and a little fear, but they were quickly soothed. There were wonderful interpreters who made conversations with our patients easy and meaningful. There were people in place who bent over backwards to make sure we were all very safe. And my age has never been a factor. God always gives me the energy and strength I need without fail.”

So, was this God’s will for her all along? If so, how did Barb know that these trips were what needed to be at the top of her bucket list?

“It was a combination of things, you know…prayer, questions that tugged at my heart in Bible study, and feelings of warmth and fatherly love from God. I felt it was important not to overlook opportunities that came my way.”

With tender eyes and great peace, Barb thought back to her original bucket list.

“All of those ideas were ‘I’ centered. I want to read more books. I want to see Israel. I want to learn to swim. And those are all nice things. But when my focus shifted on how to pour into others, this new season of life made so much more sense to me.

Most of us know how we’re gifted, what we’re good at and it makes us feel comfortable to do those things. But what if God is working new gifts into our lives? I feel that’s what He’s doing with me. He’s stretching me and using me in new ways that aren’t familiar. And I’ve grown so much as a result.

I’ve learned it’s not always about what I want or think. Sometimes God has something completely different in mind. Something so much better than what I could dream of for my bucket list.”

Pity Party - Table for One

Just gonna put it out there.

I feel sorry for myself.

There.  I said it.  

Poor me.

Life has rendered its share of ups and downs lately. No one really needs guidance to deal with the up side. We can all get behind that. It’s the struggle…disappointment…heartache that we need help with.

Some things really are unfair. And it seems like when it rains, it pours.    

Sometimes, it’s dust from the past stirring up in a new day. Who hasn’t been there?

Perhaps something we thought we had worked through, needs more attention. Maybe our loved ones have been distant when we need their support.

Maybe we’re left out by a group of friends, lose a job, feel the sting of rejection, or get a serious diagnosis.

And then, some stuff is of our own choosing. Ouch. Yeah. We choose. A misery of our own making.

It’s in those times we choose to point the finger at circumstance…a safe place for blame that requires little personal responsibility. Ouch again.

We’re quick to assign our unhappiness to someone or something else, recruiting others to validate our feelings.

And a look in the mirror after a good cry aides in feeling sorry for ourselves….our puffy eyed, blotchy faced selves.

But pity is risky business.

It begins with a thought.

And then another.

Before you know it, there is a nest making its home in your mind.

It didn’t just happen. Just as a nest is assembled twig by twig, each selfish thought has made its contribution to pity.

If not properly dealt with, it gives way to a negative attitude and a hardened heart.

Please friend, don’t go there.

Things will get better…even if it’s only your perspective that changes.  

The surest way I know how to move forward is by reaching out. Talk to a trusted friend. Not one who will trash and bash with you, but someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth…

...even if it means telling you that you are wrong.

Sing, dance, pray, take a walk, get coffee, buy flowers, rearrange furniture, wear bold lipstick, try a new hair style, read a book. Do something on purpose that replaces pity with a positive.

Perhaps neglecting yourself has given way to feeling sorry for yourself. A healthy balance is just that. Healthy.

Focus on someone else. There is always, always, always someone who is going through something far more challenging who could use a kind gesture.

You’ll be amazed at what taking your eyes off of yourself will do for you. Smile, send a card, hold a door, make a casserole.

Then fill your mind and heart with good things. Someone else has traveled the road you’re on and they have a story to share. It will help you.

Words of Gold is a great place to find just that. The young, the old, and the in between sharing, encouraging one another.

We are not alone. A hand is waiting. Take hold.

The Comparison Trap - A Conversation with Jenna

“I think the comparison trap starts when we’re young.

We’re raising two little boys right now. I’m trying to avoid comparing them to each other. I see how much my husband appreciates an encouraging word of praise and so I’m trying to do that with our boys. Simple little things like, ‘wow, you have a really good dinosaur roar.’

I had a lot of good things happen all the way through high school. I was driven to accomplish as much as possible for my family, my team, and for my disabled sister. But then in college, I went through trial by fire. Even though I couldn’t control my circumstances, I was hard on myself.

I know what I’m capable of and expect a lot of myself, so when things don’t go right I tend to lean towards negative thinking. Thoughts like ‘why didn’t you do better at this or that, or how come you can’t be like so and so.’

Women have such unrealistic standards for themselves.

For my generation, I think we tend to compare ourselves to the posts on social media that represent perfect circumstances. We want others to see our best moments on Instagram or Facebook, but what we don’t post is the raw stuff that isn’t so great.

It’s easy to say, ‘if I just had her marriage, her job, her kids, her (whatever) then my situation would be better. When in reality, changing our circumstances won’t ever make the situation better unless we take care of our own emotional well-being.

So when my mind is leading me down the wrong path, there are three words that a good friend taught me to say and to pray. God is good. When I pray with the mindset that God is good and then repeat it to myself, it really helps.

I’ve also heard that it’s a good idea to make an Awesome List with all the things you’re good at. I plan on getting to that.”