The Comparison Trap - A Conversation with Jenna

“I think the comparison trap starts when we’re young.

We’re raising two little boys right now. I’m trying to avoid comparing them to each other. I see how much my husband appreciates an encouraging word of praise and so I’m trying to do that with our boys. Simple little things like, ‘wow, you have a really good dinosaur roar.’

I had a lot of good things happen all the way through high school. I was driven to accomplish as much as possible for my family, my team, and for my disabled sister. But then in college, I went through trial by fire. Even though I couldn’t control my circumstances, I was hard on myself.

I know what I’m capable of and expect a lot of myself, so when things don’t go right I tend to lean towards negative thinking. Thoughts like ‘why didn’t you do better at this or that, or how come you can’t be like so and so.’

Women have such unrealistic standards for themselves.

For my generation, I think we tend to compare ourselves to the posts on social media that represent perfect circumstances. We want others to see our best moments on Instagram or Facebook, but what we don’t post is the raw stuff that isn’t so great.

It’s easy to say, ‘if I just had her marriage, her job, her kids, her (whatever) then my situation would be better. When in reality, changing our circumstances won’t ever make the situation better unless we take care of our own emotional well-being.

So when my mind is leading me down the wrong path, there are three words that a good friend taught me to say and to pray. God is good. When I pray with the mindset that God is good and then repeat it to myself, it really helps.

I’ve also heard that it’s a good idea to make an Awesome List with all the things you’re good at. I plan on getting to that.”  

Featured Guest - Meet Maggie

The Mindset to Write Our Own Fairytale 

“I’ve been an introverted observer all my life. I’m content to just sit and be in someone’s company. I don’t have to talk. And I don’t need the other person to talk. As a child, all that sitting back and being quiet helped me to learn about people. Now I see profound things in books, in the words of my Mom, or in just one sentence one of my professors might say. There must be themes in the back of my mind because I see significance where others might not. For example, I’m sure writers don’t intend for their every word to hold significance, but I sub consciously find it. I think all artists tend to do that. 

I’ve been working on my senior thesis, rewriting children’s fairytales. It bothers me that there’s not more regard for the potential that children’s literature has to impact their lives. When you’re young, you can read a book and it sticks with you the rest of your life. That’s usually not true with adult literature. So when the secondary lessons within a children’s story imply you have to be a pretty princess or you need to wait long enough for someone to come and save you, it gives children wrong messages. I’d like to change that. 

Since high school, I feared that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do because my passion scares me all the time. I mean, what if my ideas are not original enough? What if what I hope to do doesn’t work? So I try to talk to myself with logic and I pray a lot. When good things have happened at unexpected times, I try to hold onto that. I tell myself that the next good thing to happen might be just around the corner.”