When Help Gave Birth to Hope - A Young Woman's Return From Addiction

I’ve known Cassie since she was a little girl…a friendly, happy, outgoing, beloved little girl.

And oh, that smile. Her smile and bright eyes could light up a room.

I never dreamed back then that her story would eventually take her through such a dark tunnel. A dark, wicked, deceiving tunnel that began when she was eleven years old.

Cassie did everything with her best friend, Kristen. They were two peas in a pod. Inseparable in fact. Psychologists say eleven year olds are capable of intimate, nurturing friendships that can last a lifetime.

So when a friendship like this one is ended by childhood cancer, you can only imagine the toll it would take on an eleven year old’s heart.

When Kristen passed away at the tender age of eleven, Cassie’s heart went with her. The grief was too much and too confusing for a preteen to navigate. Despite the abiding love and help of her parents, she entered a tunnel of grief for years to come.

“For years after my best friend died, I wasn’t myself. The bubbly personality that was truly me had gone and I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I literally wanted to self destruct. I made the worst choices based on temporary feelings, based on a variety of grief feelings. It wasn’t until my parents completely gave me over to God that I wanted to get help.

I’ve had two extremes in my life already. The death of my best friend and a serious addiction to crack cocaine that almost killed me.

I did things that grieved me. I stole from my family, I left my family, I cared for someone that was no good for me. The person who supplied the cocaine also told me it was the best way to lose weight. And I had struggled with my weight. So that was one more lie. Grief and addiction were two mountains in my life that had to move.”

Mountains indeed.

Grief in itself can take people over with its power, as a rushing river tosses around a kayak. And hopefully, most people will never know the death grip of the pit called addiction.

“Addiction is a tough topic to talk about. It’s kept hush-hush because it’s embarrassing. I didn’t want to show my face. I didn’t want to be hugged or asked how I was doing because I was doing bad. I realized when you don’t reach out and let people know the truth of how you’re doing, they can’t help you. And then when you’re at rock bottom, you’ve got nothing else to do but get help.

After awhile being on the drug, it no longer feels like a choice. You don’t even think about it as a choice. It’s mental and physical. Your mind is a war zone. You become so anxious, so tired, and then depression quickly kicks in. The drug is a relief, followed by more depression, and so it’s a cycle that continuously feeds each other.”

Cassie considers herself extremely blessed to have been in the program Teen Challenge.
For over 60 years, this program has operated on a holistic model of drug and alcohol recovery. Centered on a body, mind, and spirit approach, their vision is to see all people freed from addiction through the power of Jesus Christ.

“I had been at Teen Challenge just a few weeks when God started to reveal things in my life that had happened. He made it clear to me that I needed to own up to my actions. And when I owned up to it, taking responsibility set me free. The darkness left me and I was fully ready to embrace all the program had to offer.”

After 18 life-changing months in Teen Challenge, Cassie was ready to take up her life again.

“When I graduated from my program, it was as if I was showing the world my before and after picture. I felt like saying, this is who I really am now that I’m well.”

And wellness is something she doesn’t take for granted. It was obvious to me that this beautiful young woman in her twenties had wisdom that has taken root and longs to be shared.

“Love yourself above all. The only person who should be put above yourself is God. The journey you’re on belongs to you and God alone. Step away from something if it’s not right with your soul.

A lot of the time we make bad decisions for our life because we play God. While there’s nothing wrong with speaking something into existence, it’s God’s will that is ultimately what we need.

It was such an ugly situation I was in, but it’s given me compassion on a whole different level for those in addiction. It’s nothing to be ashamed of because it can happen to anyone. By sharing my story, I’m sure there will be others that can relate in some way, perhaps from a deep place of something really hard they’re going through.”

As Cassie’s words sunk in, it felt surreal to sit and talk with someone I’ve known since her childhood, someone less than half my age, who has practically traveled to hell and back. As Cassie retold the details of her story, my private thought was just one… thank you Jesus!

And I’m not the only one who is grateful. Cassie’s gratitude list is long and provides a foundation for her daily attitude.

“My church family has been there for me and it’s so beautiful. My Mom had great courage to ask our church family to rally around us and they did. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a great job, and an amazing family…even if He takes something out of that, I’m ok because I have God. If He can get me through something such as an addiction that had me crying on the bathroom floor wanting to end my life, He can get me through anything.

While my story is painful and deep, my redemption is greater. Sometimes, I just bawl my eyes out because the memories of it all are overwhelming. But then the goodness and faithfulness of God and what He’s done for me fills me with so much joy, I can’t help but cry. Those tears are about the gratitude for where my life is now.”

Life stories that are this big, this merciful, make me realize that I’m in the company of a teacher. And I absolutely love how God uses the experiences of others to help us grow.

In my mind, I could envision Cassie speaking to a large group, sharing her story. It made me wonder and ask this last question.

“Cassie, if you had to choose only one truth you’ve learned to share with others, what would it be?”

She didn’t hesitate a moment before answering with complete resolve.

“If you don’t ask for help, no one’s going to give it to you. Others might not know you want the help. And you can feel defeated when you take that step of asking for it. Ask anyway.

And if you’re the one that’s asked, it’s ok not to know how to help. It’s ok to be honest and say, that’s totally out of my league but let’s go find someone. I’ll help you by asking around until we get the resource you need.”

By now our coffee cups had a few cold drops of coffee left in the bottom. I thanked Cassie for her honesty, vulnerability, and desire to help others with her story. She nodded while fresh tears welled in those gorgeous eyes.

“Here I am, stronger than I’ve ever been. I look at myself now and think, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. My story gave me an understanding of who I am and what I really need.”