When Help Gave Birth to Hope - A Young Woman's Return From Addiction

I’ve known Cassie since she was a little girl…a friendly, happy, outgoing, beloved little girl.

And oh, that smile. Her smile and bright eyes could light up a room.

I never dreamed back then that her story would eventually take her through such a dark tunnel. A dark, wicked, deceiving tunnel that began when she was eleven years old.

Cassie did everything with her best friend, Kristen. They were two peas in a pod. Inseparable in fact. Psychologists say eleven year olds are capable of intimate, nurturing friendships that can last a lifetime.

So when a friendship like this one is ended by childhood cancer, you can only imagine the toll it would take on an eleven year old’s heart.

When Kristen passed away at the tender age of eleven, Cassie’s heart went with her. The grief was too much and too confusing for a preteen to navigate. Despite the abiding love and help of her parents, she entered a tunnel of grief for years to come.

“For years after my best friend died, I wasn’t myself. The bubbly personality that was truly me had gone and I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I literally wanted to self destruct. I made the worst choices based on temporary feelings, based on a variety of grief feelings. It wasn’t until my parents completely gave me over to God that I wanted to get help.

I’ve had two extremes in my life already. The death of my best friend and a serious addiction to crack cocaine that almost killed me.

I did things that grieved me. I stole from my family, I left my family, I cared for someone that was no good for me. The person who supplied the cocaine also told me it was the best way to lose weight. And I had struggled with my weight. So that was one more lie. Grief and addiction were two mountains in my life that had to move.”

Mountains indeed.

Grief in itself can take people over with its power, as a rushing river tosses around a kayak. And hopefully, most people will never know the death grip of the pit called addiction.

“Addiction is a tough topic to talk about. It’s kept hush-hush because it’s embarrassing. I didn’t want to show my face. I didn’t want to be hugged or asked how I was doing because I was doing bad. I realized when you don’t reach out and let people know the truth of how you’re doing, they can’t help you. And then when you’re at rock bottom, you’ve got nothing else to do but get help.

After awhile being on the drug, it no longer feels like a choice. You don’t even think about it as a choice. It’s mental and physical. Your mind is a war zone. You become so anxious, so tired, and then depression quickly kicks in. The drug is a relief, followed by more depression, and so it’s a cycle that continuously feeds each other.”

Cassie considers herself extremely blessed to have been in the program Teen Challenge.
For over 60 years, this program has operated on a holistic model of drug and alcohol recovery. Centered on a body, mind, and spirit approach, their vision is to see all people freed from addiction through the power of Jesus Christ.

“I had been at Teen Challenge just a few weeks when God started to reveal things in my life that had happened. He made it clear to me that I needed to own up to my actions. And when I owned up to it, taking responsibility set me free. The darkness left me and I was fully ready to embrace all the program had to offer.”

After 18 life-changing months in Teen Challenge, Cassie was ready to take up her life again.

“When I graduated from my program, it was as if I was showing the world my before and after picture. I felt like saying, this is who I really am now that I’m well.”

And wellness is something she doesn’t take for granted. It was obvious to me that this beautiful young woman in her twenties had wisdom that has taken root and longs to be shared.

“Love yourself above all. The only person who should be put above yourself is God. The journey you’re on belongs to you and God alone. Step away from something if it’s not right with your soul.

A lot of the time we make bad decisions for our life because we play God. While there’s nothing wrong with speaking something into existence, it’s God’s will that is ultimately what we need.

It was such an ugly situation I was in, but it’s given me compassion on a whole different level for those in addiction. It’s nothing to be ashamed of because it can happen to anyone. By sharing my story, I’m sure there will be others that can relate in some way, perhaps from a deep place of something really hard they’re going through.”

As Cassie’s words sunk in, it felt surreal to sit and talk with someone I’ve known since her childhood, someone less than half my age, who has practically traveled to hell and back. As Cassie retold the details of her story, my private thought was just one… thank you Jesus!

And I’m not the only one who is grateful. Cassie’s gratitude list is long and provides a foundation for her daily attitude.

“My church family has been there for me and it’s so beautiful. My Mom had great courage to ask our church family to rally around us and they did. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a great job, and an amazing family…even if He takes something out of that, I’m ok because I have God. If He can get me through something such as an addiction that had me crying on the bathroom floor wanting to end my life, He can get me through anything.

While my story is painful and deep, my redemption is greater. Sometimes, I just bawl my eyes out because the memories of it all are overwhelming. But then the goodness and faithfulness of God and what He’s done for me fills me with so much joy, I can’t help but cry. Those tears are about the gratitude for where my life is now.”

Life stories that are this big, this merciful, make me realize that I’m in the company of a teacher. And I absolutely love how God uses the experiences of others to help us grow.

In my mind, I could envision Cassie speaking to a large group, sharing her story. It made me wonder and ask this last question.

“Cassie, if you had to choose only one truth you’ve learned to share with others, what would it be?”

She didn’t hesitate a moment before answering with complete resolve.

“If you don’t ask for help, no one’s going to give it to you. Others might not know you want the help. And you can feel defeated when you take that step of asking for it. Ask anyway.

And if you’re the one that’s asked, it’s ok not to know how to help. It’s ok to be honest and say, that’s totally out of my league but let’s go find someone. I’ll help you by asking around until we get the resource you need.”

By now our coffee cups had a few cold drops of coffee left in the bottom. I thanked Cassie for her honesty, vulnerability, and desire to help others with her story. She nodded while fresh tears welled in those gorgeous eyes.

“Here I am, stronger than I’ve ever been. I look at myself now and think, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. My story gave me an understanding of who I am and what I really need.”

Learning To Choose a Grateful Heart

Sitting down with Sherry Nygaard was part joy, part study. The joy was in her attitude. I know very few people with a better attitude about life than Sherry. And it rubs off on all with whom she keeps company.

The study, came in absorbing her well learned nuggets of wisdom. Women like Sherry aren’t just born with a sunny attitude, as if it were a physical trait like brown eyes or blonde hair.

So how did this relentlessly positive woman find her joy? What components of her life helped to shape her attitude? And where can we buy this positivity on sale?

Turns out, Sherry’s joy is a muscle she’s learned to keep in shape.

“We’ve moved 17 times, owned 9 homes, and lived in 5 states. That provides a lot of opportunities to learn about the importance of a good attitude. When you have to move, you have to rethink your priorities.

We get so used to our routines and our expectations of what we think we should have. It gives us security to have material things. But the stuff we have can become mundane. We can’t allow ourselves to go on auto pilot because that results in taking things for granted. And then our perspective gets jaded.

I hope I don’t ever take things for granted again. God has given me a new perspective on being grateful. I’m actually grateful for the things He has taken away, so I can miss them and rethink their value. It usually allows me to appreciate it at another level.”

Sherry and her husband have four grown children. When reflecting on the years of raising their kids, she’s grateful for the lessons she learned about work. After working part time for decades teaching music or high school yearbook, she committed to full time work for the first time when she was 48 years old. That led to other opportunities to teach full time, which she still does today.

“I see now how all my part time positions were doors God opened to help me maintain my professionalism. When the time came for me to work full time, I was prepared. I love what I do right now and can’t imagine not doing it. I get to have influence in the lives of five and six year olds and that’s such a gift. I actually want to get up early and make sure I’m ready for them.”

Sherry lights up when she talks about hard work. She recounts a time when she and her husband heard a sermon series years ago that really spoke to them.

“Bill said we needed to write those truths down somewhere in our home so that we’d be reminded to live by them. And they’ve always hung on our wall, right by the keys. It’s a simple guide and there’s room to breathe in it.”

Love God - If things aren’t right with God, nothing else works.

Family first - Even before church, before friends, before all else

Work hard - Work is a gift. God gave that to Adam before the fall and we’re working as his servants. Just living out what we believe in the work place is a powerful opportunity.

Be kind - Part of being kind is always giving a good report in every situation. God’s not absent in anything, even the crummy things. So what’s the good we can glean?

Tell the truth - Always, but with kindness.

“I was raised in a strong Christian home. But my parents’ generation wasn’t as transparent, and we wanted our kids to reflect their Savior in an authentic way.”

For Sherry, living authentically is the key, even when it’s hard or hurts. “The truth is that I have nothing apart from what God has given me. Whatever He decides to give me or not give me, I want to see it through the lens of a grateful heart.

For instance, we’re experiencing a rough patch of our lives right now and sometimes I feel like I’m wearing thin in the waiting. There’s always a reason for God’s timing and I just don’t know what it is. But I also know that the outcome of any situation isn’t based on my strength. It’s based on His purposes.

While I wait, I’ve found that trying to tell God what I need Him to do just gives me a weird feeling in my spirit. So instead, I wonder what He may be allowing right now that He’s going to use later for good?”

Like I said, Sherry’s grateful attitude is relentless. After listening to her heart, there’s no mistake that her joy is authentic and so is her God. And that’s a muscle worth flexing.

How One Woman Redefined Her Bucket List

Barb was used to taking care of people. In fact, she loved helping her patients at Ascension, where she retired after 45 years as an RN and Registered Respiratory Therapist.

“I wasn’t looking forward to retirement,” she says, “because my work was so rewarding."

As word got out about her retirement plans, the same question popped up in her conversations. “So Barb, what’s on your bucket list? I didn’t have an answer, so I felt that I needed to create one. And it doesn’t seem acceptable to lay back a bit.”

She felt there were all sorts of unspoken expectations. Will she be busy enough? Will she be productive and contribute? Will she do things that others only dream of doing?

Barb did have a few ideas in mind. She wanted to read more books, travel to Israel, and she’d always wanted to learn how to swim.

So as a woman of faith, she prayed about it. Her Bible study raised questions in her mind that stirred her heart…what might it look like to be a living sacrifice and what exactly does one do with a servant’s heart?

In the weeks of pondering those questions, Barb recalled a talk she heard about filing up your life and pouring it back out. In fact, she kept a dry sponge on her desk - a visual reminder that as you soak up the blessings in life, the sponge gets full. And the idea of course, is to squeeze that sponge back out by helping others.

“How can I use my new season of retirement to pour into others?” she wondered.

Shortly before her last working day, a coworker shared her enthusiasm about a healthcare mission trip she experienced. The idea intrigued Barb for reasons she couldn’t explain.

This particular group, Word of Life Missions, offered short term trips that brought both medical help and the gospel to the poor around the world. But as is true with so many situations that are unfamiliar to us, doubts and fears quickly loomed overhead Barb’s head like storm clouds.

“Yes, I had doubts. Particularly, what if I didn’t have the strength to endure a trip like that at my age? And how would I overcome the language barriers? And would I be safe?”

At the time of writing this post, Barb was preparing for her fifth trip (twice to Guatemala and the third time now to the Dominican Republic). As she reflected on those initial fears, she smiled a knowing smile.

“You know, God just took care of all of those things. I went on my first trip still plagued with doubts and a little fear, but they were quickly soothed. There were wonderful interpreters who made conversations with our patients easy and meaningful. There were people in place who bent over backwards to make sure we were all very safe. And my age has never been a factor. God always gives me the energy and strength I need without fail.”

So, was this God’s will for her all along? If so, how did Barb know that these trips were what needed to be at the top of her bucket list?

“It was a combination of things, you know…prayer, questions that tugged at my heart in Bible study, and feelings of warmth and fatherly love from God. I felt it was important not to overlook opportunities that came my way.”

With tender eyes and great peace, Barb thought back to her original bucket list.

“All of those ideas were ‘I’ centered. I want to read more books. I want to see Israel. I want to learn to swim. And those are all nice things. But when my focus shifted on how to pour into others, this new season of life made so much more sense to me.

Most of us know how we’re gifted, what we’re good at and it makes us feel comfortable to do those things. But what if God is working new gifts into our lives? I feel that’s what He’s doing with me. He’s stretching me and using me in new ways that aren’t familiar. And I’ve grown so much as a result.

I’ve learned it’s not always about what I want or think. Sometimes God has something completely different in mind. Something so much better than what I could dream of for my bucket list.”

Meet Emily - The Emotional Roller Coaster of Growing A Family

I feel like being a mother is a constant dichotomy. At one moment, you’re just loving every second of the day and you’re totally present and the next moment you’re ready to run out of the house screaming!

So it’s very confusing. But I've been trying to embrace all of it and not beat myself up about any of it.

I felt infancy and baby years were the hardest because I couldn’t know when I was needed or actually, that I’d be needed for everything!

In the beginning you’re sacrificing every ounce of yourself. You’re sacrificing your time, your sleep, your extra curricular activities.

You’re feeling bad about everything you’re doing. I felt bad when I went to work, I even felt bad when I blowed dried my hair! I would think, I should be with my kids.

As beautiful as it is, building your family is a very stressful, trying season. You can know that you’re in one of the most beautiful seasons of life but because you’re exhausted and stretched beyond your max, it’s hard to enjoy it.

And in order to become a mother, there was a big part of me that had to die. A part of me had to die to itself. Not in a bad way, just in a changing way.

Now my sacrifices have changed in a way that I can manage a bit more. Our kids are a little older now and I have time to do things that are important to me without feeling so bad because I know my kids are okay and they can keep themselves busy.

And I look at those sacrifices differently. Right now, every sacrifice I do willingly because I’ve realized that time is fleeting.

I see how much I want to go back and do things over. I know that with each season that passes, I’m going to wish I could go back and do it better.

So maybe I just need to do it better now. And by better I mean, just lightening up on myself. Letting my kids be kids. Letting me be an imperfect mom. Letting my husband be an imperfect husband. That would help a lot.

We were trying for over a year to decide if we would add to our family. It’s a super hard decision. I would be ready and he wouldn’t be. Then he would be ready and I wouldn’t be.

It was probably the most torn we’ve been in our relationship. It was hard to get on the same page because it’s such a big deal.

But we finally just came to a place of trusting God that He would help us through all the tough times of another baby. And we decided to just go for it.

Last year around this time, I got pregnant. I knew this time what to expect. Our two kids are older and I have a better perspective. My husband was excited and it started to feel right.

At 12 weeks we had a doctor’s appointment and there was no heartbeat.

It affected me more than I had anticipated. To me, this baby was already one of our family that I had been picturing for a long time. I was so sad.

I just felt we were supposed to have another baby. So I got pregnant again and this time we miscarried at 9 weeks, right before Christmas.

I used to cry about it every day.

So this year’s been very emotional, but also kind of beautiful. It’s really taught me about the blessings that are all around me.

It tested our marriage and I’m proud of us. I feel like we modeled what God wants marriage to be because we allowed each other to have our own feelings without expectations. We respected the fact that our feelings were different and that we showed them differently.

I think I took a lot for granted before this and I don’t think I ever will again.

There is beauty in pain, you know?

I feel like I’m just now picking my head up from all of that. It was grief upon grief.

But now, it feels like the sun’s shining again.

I’ve had time to accept what I thought our family should be and isn’t. And I know down the road, God will make sense of it for me.

I don’t have someone on my hip every second, I don’t have a diaper to change, I don’t have a kid waking up in the middle of the night. And 50% of me thinks this is amazing and 50% of me thinks this is wrong.

Regardless of my feelings and thoughts, I know that God is good. I have seen him work through me and my family during times of struggle and times of loss. He has built my confidence and reminded me every step of the way that He is in control and He will provide for me.

It's allowed me to let go of my expectations and desires and accept what He desires for my family......and for me.