How One Woman Redefined Her Bucket List

Barb was used to taking care of people. In fact, she loved helping her patients at Ascension, where she retired after 45 years as an RN and Registered Respiratory Therapist.

“I wasn’t looking forward to retirement,” she says, “because my work was so rewarding."

As word got out about her retirement plans, the same question popped up in her conversations. “So Barb, what’s on your bucket list? I didn’t have an answer, so I felt that I needed to create one. And it doesn’t seem acceptable to lay back a bit.”

She felt there were all sorts of unspoken expectations. Will she be busy enough? Will she be productive and contribute? Will she do things that others only dream of doing?

Barb did have a few ideas in mind. She wanted to read more books, travel to Israel, and she’d always wanted to learn how to swim.

So as a woman of faith, she prayed about it. Her Bible study raised questions in her mind that stirred her heart…what might it look like to be a living sacrifice and what exactly does one do with a servant’s heart?

In the weeks of pondering those questions, Barb recalled a talk she heard about filing up your life and pouring it back out. In fact, she kept a dry sponge on her desk - a visual reminder that as you soak up the blessings in life, the sponge gets full. And the idea of course, is to squeeze that sponge back out by helping others.

“How can I use my new season of retirement to pour into others?” she wondered.

Shortly before her last working day, a coworker shared her enthusiasm about a healthcare mission trip she experienced. The idea intrigued Barb for reasons she couldn’t explain.

This particular group, Word of Life Missions, offered short term trips that brought both medical help and the gospel to the poor around the world. But as is true with so many situations that are unfamiliar to us, doubts and fears quickly loomed overhead Barb’s head like storm clouds.

“Yes, I had doubts. Particularly, what if I didn’t have the strength to endure a trip like that at my age? And how would I overcome the language barriers? And would I be safe?”

At the time of writing this post, Barb was preparing for her fifth trip (twice to Guatemala and the third time now to the Dominican Republic). As she reflected on those initial fears, she smiled a knowing smile.

“You know, God just took care of all of those things. I went on my first trip still plagued with doubts and a little fear, but they were quickly soothed. There were wonderful interpreters who made conversations with our patients easy and meaningful. There were people in place who bent over backwards to make sure we were all very safe. And my age has never been a factor. God always gives me the energy and strength I need without fail.”

So, was this God’s will for her all along? If so, how did Barb know that these trips were what needed to be at the top of her bucket list?

“It was a combination of things, you know…prayer, questions that tugged at my heart in Bible study, and feelings of warmth and fatherly love from God. I felt it was important not to overlook opportunities that came my way.”

With tender eyes and great peace, Barb thought back to her original bucket list.

“All of those ideas were ‘I’ centered. I want to read more books. I want to see Israel. I want to learn to swim. And those are all nice things. But when my focus shifted on how to pour into others, this new season of life made so much more sense to me.

Most of us know how we’re gifted, what we’re good at and it makes us feel comfortable to do those things. But what if God is working new gifts into our lives? I feel that’s what He’s doing with me. He’s stretching me and using me in new ways that aren’t familiar. And I’ve grown so much as a result.

I’ve learned it’s not always about what I want or think. Sometimes God has something completely different in mind. Something so much better than what I could dream of for my bucket list.”

The To Do List

She thanked me profusely for taking her along.

Errands. I was running errands.

All day.

And she was thrilled to go!

Two different grocery stores, Target, home to serve lunch and then back out to a wholesale supply store.

Alone, my list would have been knocked out in 2 ½ - 3 hours tops.  Almost seven hours later I rolled into the driveway.

I have to be honest...I didn’t really want to take her with me.

Everything takes so much longer with an elderly person and on errand day, I like to conquer.

Nobody conquers at a snail’s pace and nobody gets through a “to do” list by admiring every single thing on the store’s shelf. But none the less, there we were. 

I wrestled with my thoughts that morning.

I knew inviting her along would mean an all day excursion but I was in get it done mode, and getting her out of the house was long over due.

I felt I owed her.

After all, when the kids were little, she went on errands with me. Back then I needed someone to push the extra cart so that I could contain three toddlers. At least one or two of said toddlers would fall asleep at some point, so she’d stay in the car with them while I ran in and out of stores quickly.

And she babysat.

Made us soup when we were sick.

Gave the kids Easter baskets for years and even let them have peanuts in the shell. Oh how they loved the surprise of peanuts cradled neatly inside! 

So, I drove over to pick her up. Even the short drive was irritating.

There are railroad tracks a couple blocks from her home and I was sure that the longest train in the history of ever would be crossing just as I approached. It wasn’t. No train in sight. 

She was dressed up. Black slacks, fine knit sweater, knee high nylons and patent leather flats. 

Me? Full on errand attire. Faded jeans, long sleeved T-shirt, comfy tennies and a cross body bag.

To her it was an occasion. To me it was a chore. And I felt guilty. 

Conversation was pleasant at first. She’s always been interested in what the kids are up to and like most Moms, I love to brag about my children. 

I loved it, that is, until she asked the same question for the third or fourth time. Likewise, she shared about her granddaughter’s birthday celebration at least that many times if not more. Sometimes she wasn’t sure who the girl was, but it sure was a nice party. Agonizing!  

I wish I could wrap up this post with a warm, fuzzy ending. 

But it was a flat out irritating day. However, she is not the one with whom I am irritated. It’s me. 

Though my intentions seemed sincere, they were self-serving. Spending time with her was just another thing I could check off of my list that day. Owning that realization is not a proud moment. 

So, where’s the lesson? How can I do better? How can we all do better? 

I guess recognizing my selfish impatience is a good first step. 

Knowing that I’m not too far away from the golden years is a decent second step. 

How would I feel if someone offered to spend time with me just to check me off their list? Ouch. Not very special, I’m sure. 

It was an internal struggle. She was quite pleased with the day. She was almost embarrassingly grateful. And I genuinely hope that’s how she felt. I would not want to leave her with the stain of my indifference. 

So, I’ll try again. 

Next time I will give her my undivided attention. Fully present! And honestly, she might not be the only one I need to focus on. I mean really focus…all in. 

No errands, no clothes folding, no Instagram scrolling, no dinner making while I’m supposed to be “listening”.

In the Bible we’re taught that love is patient. The very first definition of love in First Corinthians, is patience. I suppose it’s first because it’s so important. And difficult. 

I’ve got some work to do in this area. Do you?