A Really Good Mentor Lives On, Even After They're Gone

About this time last year, my husband and I attended the funeral service (life celebration) of one of my mentors.

It was a picture perfect day. The sky was that intense blue dotted with bright white clouds. The sunshine was warm on my back and the breeze soft on my face. The white church sat on a hill, nestled in the trees. The doors were open and the atmosphere calming.

If a picture paints a thousand words, then this picturesque setting seemed fitting for the man we were about to grieve. And celebrate.

The man who's temperament always brought peace to my spirit.

That's how I first knew that he had the power to mentor me, without even trying. His words, body language, and actions were never intimidating. Quite the contrary. Like so many others, I wanted to be around him.

I could name those things that make a good mentor, which he was. You know, things like sound advice, integrity in his own life and an attitude of putting others before himself.

But the quality he had that others didn't, took me a while longer to learn and understand.

He was a man of surrender.

Yes, surrender.

It's such an odd concept in our culture of pursuit and accomplishments.

In fact, most of us (men or women) long to prove our worth to others. Look! See how smart I am? How capable? How good I am at this or that?

Now I'm certain he must have struggled with pride, as we all do. But more often than not, he found a way to lay his pride down for the bigger picture, the better good.

He would clearly share his position, but without insistence. He gave others room to find their way.

You see, this is the profound dichotomy I learned from this mentor of mine. The surrender he sought each day is exactly what made him bold, brave and strong. It's exactly what made him victorious in the end.

Whatever was for the good of the whole, or the glory of God, he surrendered his will. More often than not.

So there we were. Sitting in the pews, the tears streaming down my face.

Tears of a grateful heart for having learned so much from this humble man.

The service was similar to his life - simple, yet profound. The following prayer hung in his home and was his favorite. His daughter read it to us, with the same resolve her father had. And it goes like this:

The Covenant Prayer

I am no longer my own but yours.

put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will;

put me to doing, put me to suffering;

let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you,

exalted for you, or brought low for you;

let me be full, let me be empty;

let me have all things, let me have nothing;

I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things to your pleasure and disposal.

And now, glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

you are mine and I am yours.

And the covenant now made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

In loving memory and tribute to the mentor who taught me surrender. Your many lessons, so unassuming, are forever with me.

Reverend Doug Fraley - born to eternal life May 25, 2016

Meet Levi - Approaching Life With Common Sense

I’ve always said that every life has a lesson to teach, no matter the generation. We tend to think that the learning only happens with someone older than ourselves.

Meet Levi. He’s eleven years old and a gentleman. He opened every door for me, among his other impressive manners.

We sat down for lunch recently and shared a few stories. We also talked about birth order, movies, goals, and change.

No matter the subject, what stood out to me was his attitude. There isn’t a trace of complaint or discontent in his attitude. (Talk about convicting.)

Based on our conversation, I could tell that Levi approaches most everything with the common sense of a much older soul.  And I learned.

I came home and jotted these down, courtesy of Levi:

Being a first born carries responsibility and a need for daily patience with younger siblings who always want to follow you around. (He has three younger brothers.)

Being home schooled allows the student to totally focus on their studies and accomplish more learning in less time. Levi often gets the afternoon off. That's a good gig.

Having a Dad who likes the same kind of movies that you do makes for a fun and easy way to connect.

Not having a sister is okay. They would probably get their own room.

Levi is very close to getting his black belt. He says it takes dedication and perseverance.

His karate instructor’s words of gold that have stuck with him: "When opponents compete, it’s not the rank of the belt that matters, but it’s what actually happens when you spar."

TV is overrated. History is not.

A word of gold from Levi regarding big changes: “My family recently moved. It was a lot of work. But I could do it again if I had to.”

Did I think like that in fifth grade? I'm guessing not.

But I can now.

Meet Sonja - Why She Found Joy in Serving Teens

"When I was asked to work with high school youth, I thought, why do they want me?
I wasn’t sure high school kids would want to talk to me. But they were very open and made me feel comfortable.

I was so in awe of their faith. On the news, we always hear about young people who have made bad choices. Older people tend to get fearful of the youth because they only know about those they see on TV and in the paper.

I live in a community of older people. I try to get them to understand that teens are exciting people. They may dress differently, talk differently, but they’re fascinating!

I don’t share a lot about my world with teens because it’s really not relevant to them. I do if they ask, but otherwise I focus on their interests and their world. That’s how I stay connected to them. I try to keep up with the trends, listen to their music, try to understand where they’re coming from. I don’t expect them to do that for me. They’re young. That’s not their job. It’s my responsibility as the adult to learn about their culture.

I think another mistake we as older people make is to criticize younger people. We can’t do that. We have to accept them for who they are. I wouldn’t want to be treated that way. I still make mistakes. But if they’re really having problems, then we can try to guide them.

My college granddaughters are so vibrant and wonderful! When I talk to them, we talk about how God has a wonderful plan for their lives. And they have to be patient for that plan and obedient to that plan. I think that's where we all go wrong sometimes. In the waiting and the obeying.

I’ve had some terrible hurts in my own life and I’ve only found peace in those times through forgiveness. And that only comes through Jesus. I’m not able to do that. I’ve known friends that couldn’t forgive and it tainted everything in their life, like a cancer.

My parents always said that you’re not here on this earth to be served. You serve others. That’s where the joy comes from."

The Comparison Trap - A Conversation with Jenna

“I think the comparison trap starts when we’re young.

We’re raising two little boys right now. I’m trying to avoid comparing them to each other. I see how much my husband appreciates an encouraging word of praise and so I’m trying to do that with our boys. Simple little things like, ‘wow, you have a really good dinosaur roar.’

I had a lot of good things happen all the way through high school. I was driven to accomplish as much as possible for my family, my team, and for my disabled sister. But then in college, I went through trial by fire. Even though I couldn’t control my circumstances, I was hard on myself.

I know what I’m capable of and expect a lot of myself, so when things don’t go right I tend to lean towards negative thinking. Thoughts like ‘why didn’t you do better at this or that, or how come you can’t be like so and so.’

Women have such unrealistic standards for themselves.

For my generation, I think we tend to compare ourselves to the posts on social media that represent perfect circumstances. We want others to see our best moments on Instagram or Facebook, but what we don’t post is the raw stuff that isn’t so great.

It’s easy to say, ‘if I just had her marriage, her job, her kids, her (whatever) then my situation would be better. When in reality, changing our circumstances won’t ever make the situation better unless we take care of our own emotional well-being.

So when my mind is leading me down the wrong path, there are three words that a good friend taught me to say and to pray. God is good. When I pray with the mindset that God is good and then repeat it to myself, it really helps.

I’ve also heard that it’s a good idea to make an Awesome List with all the things you’re good at. I plan on getting to that.”